• Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma and taking personal responsibility to manage stressors

• Active coping is applied when there is not a crisis. Active coping is a way of responding to the stresses of everyday life. They are skills you can learn and develop.

Following a traumatic event most people experience stress reactions. Understand that recovering from the trauma is a process and takes time. Knowing this will help you feel more in control. A few tips: 

• Having an ongoing response to the trauma is normal. 

• Recovery is an ongoing, daily process. It happens little by little. It is not a matter of being cured all of a sudden. 

• Healing doesn't mean forgetting traumatic events. It doesn't mean you will have no pain or bad feelings when thinking about them. 

• Healing may mean fewer symptoms and symptoms that bother you less. 

• Healing means more confidence that you will be able to cope with your memories and symptoms. You will be better able to manage your feelings.

• Practice relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, yoga, meditation, or massage. 

• Exercise: Physical activity can help you relax. 

• Eat well: A healthy diet with regular meals can help keep your energy levels stable.Avoid skipping meals, which can cause blood sugar drops that can make you feel jittery. 

• Limit alcohol and caffeine: While they seem to help at first, these substances can make anxiety worse. 

• Challenge your self-talk: Don’t allow negative and mean talk in your head. 

• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and accept that you can't control everything. 

• Connect with others: Reach out to friends, family, church, or a health professional. 

• Take a break from the news: Spending too much time watching or reading news can create feelings of distress. 

• Keep a diary or journal to help process your emotions

• Spend time in nature

• Listen to quiet music

• Prayer

These simple things can help calm you and bring peace and help you as an adult:

• Learn to Cook: Start with basic, affordable recipes to save money on meals.

• Practice Time Management: Use planners or apps to keep track of appointments, work, and personal goals.

• Build Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who encourage your growth.

• Household Maintenance: Practice cleaning, laundry, and basic repairs to maintain a stable home.

5 Senses Grounding Activity that can take 30 seconds or longer. This activity helps you connect your brain and your body so that you can begin to make sense of things and feel more connected within yourself.


5-4-3-2-1 Grounding

5: Name to yourself 5 things you can see.
4: Name 4 things you can sense on your body.
3: Name 3 things you can hear.
2: Name 2 things you can smell.
1: Name 1 taste you experience right now.

Example:

5: I can see a clock, a coffee mug, a television, a chair, a person walking by.
4: I can sense my bum on the couch, my feet on the carpet, my hand making a fist and releasing, some air blowing against my face.
3: I can hear the clock ticking, my own breathing, a bird chirping outside
2: I can smell burnt toast, and a vanilla candle.
1: I still taste the coffee I had earlier.

This exercise helps bring you back into the present moment and connects your brain with your body. Spend some time here, if you can, with a sensory experience that energizes you. This can be music you enjoy, or your bare feet taking in the feel of grass. You may want to feel the safety of a warm blanket around you to remind yourself of a sense of safety and awareness. There are so many options. Building a sense of safety within ourselves is so important in helping us experience joy and in enabling us to do hard things.


A Prayer:

God, when we feel such chaos around us and anxiety inside of us, it can be so hard to remember that You are near, and we are never alone. Thank You for Your promise to be with us and for the truth that You know us and love us deeply. Would You clear the thoughts of negativity and remind us that we have access to Your strength, Your grace, Your wisdom, and Your peace. Would You help our hope and faith grow louder and stronger than our anxieties and fears.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

From Lisa

Growing up, (even in college), the night before the first day of school was overwhelming for me. It was like every possible "what-if" would crawl into my mind and then go into a sprint taking over my being and sense of control. I would stay up the night before with thoughts like:

What if the teacher (or boss) doesn't like me?
What if I don't have any friends in my classes?
What if I have no one to eat lunch with?
What if I don't understand the class?
What if people judge me?
What if I fail?

I would wrestle the entire night before with all of these "what if" questions and they would suck life out of me! Then I'd get up in the morning, head to school with a nervous stomach, and be looking and observing like crazy for signs of safety:

• A smile from a friend
• Kind eyes from a teacher
• Someone to name that the first day of school brings with it a lot of nerves

From perceived facial expressions, eye contact or lack of eye contact, the look of a room, and the smell of the building, I would automatically determine if I was safe enough to be me. This means comfortable enough to talk, meet others, offer answers to questions, laugh, tell a joke, name that I felt nervous that day, and actually feel strong and secure enough to learn and connect.

We all have an Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) that is automatically scanning any environment or scene we walk into, which dictates whether or not we feel safe enough to show up and be ourselves. This happens in our amygdala as automatically as our hearts beat, and determines one of 3 things:

1. We are safe enough to show up as we are with our thoughts, laughter, and wonderings.

2. We need to be on guard, calculating possible dangers and escape plans. This involves mind spinning and anxious feelings, sometimes fighting or fleeing.

3. We need to shut down to be okay, sort of fall asleep to what's around us because facing it would feel like too much.

This ANS also constantly scans INSIDE of us to decide if we feel comfortable enough in our opinion of ourselves to engage with the world around us.

Part of adulting is becoming more aware of what we are like on the inside when we feel safe and connected, what happens inside of us when we feel anxious and need to be on guard, and what happens inside of us when we choose to numb out, avoid, and shut down.

These 3 different states of our nervous system tend to drive our bodies, and therefore our minds and actions.

Safety or an energy of peace and connection is found in any order of these 3 areas:

• Within ourselves (while in nature or solitude, or you name it)

• With others that you know care for you

• With God and His love for you

Be curious thinking about where you first tend to find this safety, sense of excitement for life, and peace.

Do you find it first on your own?
Do you tend to find it when you are with a dear friend or mentor?
Do you find it with God first?

There is no right or wrong. Just know that finding a sense of safety or life-giving experience in one area leads us to life-giving experiences (sense of safety and connectedness) in other of the 3 areas.

We encourage creating a Life Giving List. This is a list of those people, places, or things (activities) that fill you with a sense of hope and remind you that you are loved.

For example, making home-made popcorn on the stove-top, complete with butter and salt, and then sharing it with family or friends is life giving to me. The taste, the smell, the sound of popping corn and then all digging into one bowl and enjoying while we chat makes me feel really alive and profoundly loved by others and by God.

Engaging in this simple activity during the week feeds into my nervous system and helps me stay well amidst the hard.

Life-Giving activities scheduled into your day can help you reset in healthy ways.

We are attaching a Life-Giving List Template for you to be curious about those things that breathe life, health, and love into you.

Interestingly, the more we allow ourselves moments to enjoy life with healthy connection, the more our What-ifs are able to turn in a hopeful direction. They are still What If's but geared away from a sense of doom, and into the reality of hope.

What if the teacher/boss likes me and sees value in me?
What if I find an unexpected valuable friendship this year?
What if I do have the courage to put myself out there and find my people?
What if some needed changes happen with my friendships?
What if I do understand and learn in this class or this job?
What if I come across as HUMAN...both uncertain AND moving toward confidence at the same time?
What if I show up again after last year's set-back to bring this year's success?

What if?

Prayer for today:

God, thank You that you have gifts you so want each of us to enjoy. Thank You for the beauty of nature, for laughter with friends, for dancing and hiking, for times where we can rest in You.

May we loosen the grip on our fears and allow ourselves to see and connect with life and love around us today.

Over this year, God, would You provide solid friendships and a profound sense of hope for each person reading these words? Amen.

Transitioning out of foster care can be emotionally challenging. Seek therapy or counseling to work through trauma or stress. Many organizations offer free or low-cost mental health services for former foster youth (such as A Home Within).

Churches or other non-profits may have resources to help. Keep asking and seeking a community.